The senselessness within

The following post is a bad attempt at what depicting how I spend my day (as if it matters). Its painful and hopelessly boring so reader is at his/her own discretion to move forward or "close the tab".

Sometimes these days, I become extremely depressed. Not just with what I am doing with my life but the way our whole world runs. I tend to be pessimistic and cynical over each and everything. I just can't stop this particular way of thinking. And I just know from where does it exactly stem. Its a collective burst of various emotions that I somehow manage to keep under the warps. But every now and then it seems to slip out in the vastness of universe. My own failures (ya I have to reconcile and term them sometime or the other ) seem far to insignificant and hopeless in the wider spectrum of the world. And I seem to be using a lot of what I term "Goopedia". The combination of Google and Wikipedia is deadly. I just read a simple news on the web and before I know it I have tonnes of information sphewing out from my firefox. A classic example of what transpires between the confines of 231, Ganga is like this: Yesterday I saw a documentary by BBC on Modechai Vanunu. Now this Dimona technician was actually nominated for the Nobel peace prize from 1988 to 2004 by a knighted Nobel-Laurate till his eventual death. And I still get goosebumps as to how Somon Peres actually won the award and which ****ole nominated him. Now I don't want to get into the (sordid) details of all that. Help yourself with Goopedia for that sake. But then from Vanunu I went to "cindy" and then to people who are expert at hunting down criminals (or whom they consider so). So the journey led me to Adolf Eichmann. The deeds he meted out to jews during the Holocast, his escape to Argentine post Nazi dominance and his eventual kidnapping (I am not sure about the correct term here), trails and death in Isreal. Then I got directed to top Nazi hunters. Even to the activities of Mossad, especially its adventures outside Isreal. The most famous of all being the entebbe operation. Then I came back to the familiar RAW and ISI. Coming to think of it, somehow it dosen't make sense. I am a-would be engineer and all these worldly matters serve no use to me as such. Not in a quantifiable term which is what people worry about in institutes like the one I am in. "If it ain't gonna appear on your CV then it ain't worth it" is the classic attitude here. And still I spend more amount of time reading this than my notes (or atleast the notes of those who write). Somehow at the end of the day I am more pained than I was initially. And more than anything it leaves me with a bad taste in my mouth. The realization that I am helpless to change or even be a spectator to one is killing. For no change is happening in the correct direction. It seems we are all going back. The balance between government and its subjects is increasingly becoming turbulent. As democracy flourishes (even if in a handful of nations) the people become more and more demanding. Sooner or later there will come a time when people will want to have no authority. Now as far as civilised people go, there is no need in general. But the vagarities of human nature. Once off the hook even the best are suspect to become culprits. So there has to be a government but the degree of its authority varies from time to time.Now the two extremes of anarchy and dictatorship are a strict no-no. But even well within the limits its a difficult task to acess the amount of control that should be imposed on citizens by their respective governments. According to me, initially in any nascent or a recovering country (a la Iraq ,Afganistan), the amount of controal has to be high. But gradually the government has to ease out and let citizens have the true benefits of being free. This is where the trouble begins. As society/people become more and more civilised (or whatever) they begin to ascertain themselves more and more. Therby reducing the goverment's role. Now the situation is dicey. Its tough for the goverment to yield more and more. At the same time its right under the nose of these people that the government has to work. And when this balance of power fails what it results into is precisely a Vanunu. And why has the problem caught up with seemingly more organized or developed countries? Well these are the countries where if such a thing happens there will be certain amount of smoke. What can one expect in a la Zimbabwe where there is too much of fire for anyone to bother about the smoke....................